date: Saturday, December 18, 2004 @ 10:41 pm
title: Day infinite: Rhema.. Spoken Word in Greek
Remembering what Pastor How said abt the 'Dream' sermon.. I'm so slow to recognize that..
"People with No Dream"
"People with Low Dream"
"People with Wrong Dream"
"People with God Dream"
Mourning for many of my friends to see them to have no dreams at all, especially those who always complain that life's so boring.. i'm hibernating.. I have nothing to do in the holidays.. You know what I have been so packed with so much things to do..
Selling tee-shirts.
Serving the church in the paperwork ministry.
Doing SPCA volunteer work (just got retrenched, terminated my service for the time being.).
Giving out flyers.
Meeting with friends to learn rollerblading.
Sought for a bookshelf with one friend, brought with another friend.
Tidied my room thoroughly.
Cleared up my family bathroom. (Killed many cockroaches.)
There is no one day, I spent my day fully either on computer or on television.. Trying to reduce my secular media exposure, so not to waste time to off-load them from my mind. Reduce media, reduce unnecessary temptation.
What sadden me most, was and is the people whom I once spent almost 4 hours in every weekday or sometimes weekends seeing and chatting, have no dream or low dreams..
Either nothing to do, camping at home or working busily from day to night...
Natural works have natural results. You reap and you sow.
Many just watch video after video, computer games after computer games.. aimless entertainment, 'cos man needs something to fill up the emptiness of the heart and soul. An empty shell.
Some work for money, to save up as much as possible. Wanting a loaded pocket to please oneself after a day's work. Nothing to do, so go and work.
For me. I don't work for the seen, but the unseen. Den what is the unseen? the relationship with God, which is faith.
" What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." Hebrews 11:1
Den people will mock me..
'ZHan, so holy arh?? den how.. X'mas coming soon. No money can't buy things for yourself and others.'
No money?? But they dun know how i'm enriched my God's abundance in my life..
I have..
-The visor of my preference at a cost of 15 bucks.
-The 19 bucks IKEA bookshelf with what i wanted: 4 shelves.
-Clocked up as much as 16 hours of CIP hours at my dispose.
-A better relationship with the Church leaders.
-Know better of my church family - my brothers and sisters.
-My faith grew tremendously, from a scrawny soul into a mighty man for God.
My allowance through out the period.. was enough.
Christmas presents: God prompted me to buy for only a specific group of people. The rest, God himself will enrich them Himself.
However.. not every weather is always fine. Have more clouds doesn't mean better shelter from the scorching sun.. it could be a thunderstorm as well.
Waves after waves of spiritual attacks.. confusion and assumption are deadly traps. All are just waiting for me to take the wrong step and get ensnare unknowingly and fall again.
Let me take you back to 4 days ago.. it was the day I met with 4E classmates (I'm from 4F)
That day, Bertram invited Joshua to join them for 'small reunion' - Billy, James, Ivan and himself and Joshua.
Just nice, I was having a full fast on that day.
At first, I declined den Joshua (i dun know how) persuaded me to go. We took MRT from Toa Payoh to Somerset (Eating at HMV). Immediately when i took the first step out from the train. A voice spoke,
' How filthy is the place.. ( not litters but the spiritual atmosphere)."
I was taken by it. Den one though let to another though.. I was mutterly confused. However, all the voice spoke of was the truth..
Orchard is like the Big Apple (New York), where the Richest of the Rich come and the Poorest of the Poor set foot on. Youngsters camped at the exit of MRT station to sell 'good-deed-tickets' and the aged selling whatever they can to the commuters, from Toto tickets to tissue packs. The loaded and nationality fugitives roam the streets, armored with bags after bags of 'in' apparel.. comforted by the entertainment there.. intoxicated by the aura of senseless fashion that some are apparently defying conventional, creating modesty controversy. Actions by immature passion were situated at every corner away from the light. Desperate call to high headed for their thoughtless donations into the crimson Salvation Army pot , which was accompanied by the ringing of the distant hand held bell.
Every corner of my fragile heart melts as the holy fire burns violently, I was experiencing holy anger..
Though, it was holy anger, my bitterness veiled my spiritual eyes. I was naive.. so naive that it wasn't the Holy Spirit that was pouring thoughts into me, but the Spirit of Death.. his objective was to kill that fire with bitterness, which resulted in confusion..
I took to long enough for me to generate my faith to plead for a Rhema.. before i decided to break fasting.. I hid myself in the toilet cubical to pray.. den came,
"Blessed are those who bless you."
I didn't know that Billy was treating everyone on this meal - he has a POSB debt card. Until I had chosen cheese sausage with the.... ( what is that again? the one with alot of potato strips.)
Oh ya.. we went to Marché. You SHOULD see the price. ( Compared to the abundance God promised, its nothing.) Let me repeat: we went to M-A-R-C-H-E.. (I had to go to Heeren website to check for the spelling.)
I regretted to watch this documentary about the history of fastfood.. den sausage was one of the greatest fastfood junk food.
"When you eat a sausage, dun think of the manufacturing process of them, especially when ingredients are from the 'spare' parts of a pig. It could be the eyes or something else that is round as well."
In the end.. I ate only the internal of long and thick sausage, leaving the skin on the plate. The rest complaint that i'm gross.. (blame the television, that's why i decided to reduce my media dosage). After that, the total spentiture was S$55++... for 5 people. Ok lar.. Poor Billy.
Next.. the standard procedure when you are in Orchard without a dream.. you go play pool for some cheap thrill..
I dun really wanted to play, 'cos I supposed to.. sort of in church doing paperwork and having cell group in church at 6 p.m.. The bitterness of me coming to Orchard, made me feel gulity.
As we strolled along to the pool club, i saw many people.. people without dreams. The spiritual atmosphere was so poisonous that my faith was succumbed by fear.. the fear of man.
Glanced at many senior citizens who supposed to be enjoying their golden years, were sitting on anything that had four legs and moaned at the cold stern faces.. I didn't dare to look at their eyes..the eyes of sorrow which now they regretted for their wasted youth.. they reap what they sow. I wanted to help them, but some sold Toto tickets which the Spirit behind all these are evil.. gambling.
I was dumbfounded.. I didnt know what to do for the best.. One by one, I loped passed them. One by one, hitted my fragile heart.
"God!! Why are u showing me this? Why?" I screamed inside me.
There was no answer.
Playing pool was when I started to lighten up. The cheap thrill was getting into me. The scular music was soothening my ears.. but the bitterness spread its roots deep into my faith. Balls slammed into the pockets like steel beans hitting against each other to spread the vibration to the end of the lining..
I was so hungry for something, something.. that i couldn't explain..
"ZHan.."
Bertram took my concentration away. I sat beside him on the dark brownish couch and crossed my legs. James took over my absentence.. I started to pour everything to Bertram.. He listened to me and gave me comments. But i remembered nothing, 'cos my heart wasn't opened.
However, after i bidded farewell to the gang and he walked me to the MRT. He prayed for me. Every word ceased the growth of the root of bitterness.. the Power of Prayer.. thought praying at the public was something that I'm uncomfortable with, I needed it. Desperately....
I held my tongue and too my thoughts.. I was determined to wait until I reached church den asked my spiritual parents (Church leaders).
The door swayed opened.. I saw Daryl playing Mechwarrior cards with David. They were so engrossed, 'cos Daryl brought his cards like so many years ago but just mastered how to battle with them. I greeted the rest - Junjie, Sis Von, Pastor Char and Su... (Pastor just had cell)
I did a short qt. 'cos i did a short one in the morning. I did the close-your-eyes-and-hope-for-a-rhema-to-appear-on-any-page-of-the-bible style. Read once and again. Didn't get anything thru. Nvm. Prayed. Nothing.
Plan B: I went to do the paperwork. Saw Sis Von. She was online chatting with her disciples on MSN. I knew that it was it.. I recitied everything from Big Apple to Bertram's comments. And her reply struck me,
"When experiencing Holy anger, You will be mad for a while. But in the end, you will think what you can do to from God's perspective.." (something like that.. Goldfish memory)
The roots on my faith just perished.. It was a Rhema for me.
